


Unicorns Are Not an Excuse

by Patchcat



Series: Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Community: mating_games, Gen, Sour Skittles implied, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 01:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1586210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patchcat/pseuds/Patchcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unicorns?  Really?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorns Are Not an Excuse

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bonus 1 at Mating Games Round 2
> 
> If you're only commenting because you don't like the pairing -- which is peripheral, implied, and DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY -- please refrain. Or at least quit being cowards and come off anon so I can blacklist you. Thanks! :)

Sheriff Stilinski looked down at the report in front of him and then ran his hand down his face, the three day stubble rasping harshly against the skin of his palm. Taking a tired breath, he rested his head against his hand and peered up at the deputy standing by the desk.

“Now, you’re sure?” he asked the man, a Deputy Sayers, he thought his name was. “This is the report you want to turn in?”

The young man’s eyes grew a little larger in his head and he swallowed hard. “Y-yes, sir. That’s the report. That’s what happened.” He looked around the office furtively, as though to make sure no one was within listening distance. “Sir, I know it sounds crazy, even for Beacon Hills; and I wouldn’t have believed it myself if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “It was a unicorn, sir! A curly-horned, cloven-hooved UNICORN.”

Nate drew a deep breath and then let it out all at once. “It’s a pretty unbelievable story, Deputy. Are you -”

Deputy Sayers’ hands smacked down on the Sheriff’s desk. “Sheriff, I _know_ that this is unbelievable, but I’m telling you! This happened! That damned thing nearly bit my butt! If it hadn’t been for - for -” Sayers trailed off and couldn’t seem to meet Nate’s eyes.

“For my son, or a young man fitting my son’s description?” Nate’s sigh was both long-suffering and resigned.

“Um, well.” Sayers stood up and shifted awkwardly. He winced as he answered, “Yes, sir.” Nate rolled his hand, encouraging the deputy to continue. “If Stiles hadn’t come out of nowhere and slipped that gold bridle on that beast -- Where did he get a golden bridle anyway, sir? Do they really make things like that?”

“I don’t know, Deputy; but I can assure you I’m going to find out.”

Sayers nodded and continued his report. “Stiles got the bridle on it and then he jumped up on its back and they took off. I could _swear_ I saw a giant wolf running at the unicorn’s heels. Looked like it was herding that damned thing, but that’s impossible because there aren’t any wolves in California and oh my God, Sir, am I going crazy? Please don’t have my committed because I could swear that wolf had been a man just before Stiles jumped on the unicorn’s back. I can’t have seen that, Sir. It’s impossible. Right?”

Sayers speech slowly devolved into random babbling and mostly incoherent words, with only the occasional “It couldn’t be” and “that’s just impossible” and “He’s going to Section 8 me” by the time Nate got up from behind his desk and led the man to sit on his couch. He grabbed the blanket off the back and wrapped it around his deputy’s shoulders, then grabbed his phone and walked over to one of the interrogation rooms.

Shutting the door and making sure any recording equipment was _not_ on, he hit the speed dial on his phone and waited for his son to answer. And waited. And waited. And waited some more, until the thing finally flipped over to voicemail. “Yo! This is Stiles. I’m either hunting nasty monsters or doing the nasty with two of the hottest guys this side of everywhere. Or trying to, anyway. Can’t get them to cooperate DEREK! Would be nice to get rid of this pesky -- Um. Yeah. Leave a message at the beep! *pause* If this is you, dad, there is no nasty doing or pants getting into trying going on anywhere in the Stilesien vicinity. Like, at all. It’s all very virginal...here...yeah. Message. Beep.”

Nate heaved another long-suffering sigh. “Stiles, this is, indeed, your father. You really need to change your message. Trying to pressure Derek into -- you know what, not why I called. A unicorn?! Really?! Couldn’t you have kept it out of sight better? Deputy Sayers _saw you_ , damn it! _And_ he saw Derek shift. I’m going to have to let the man continue to think he’s losing his mind. He’s already convinced that I’m going to fire him because he’s crazy. 

“Damn it, Stiles! I’m sending you his report and you had better _fix it_ so that I don’t have to write up one of my best deputies for psychological abnormalities! Bad enough I’m going to have to figure out a way to explain what he saw as a - a _hallucination_ or something!”

Hanging up the phone, Nate put his head in his hands. The laughter that started in his belly and rumbled around the room was a relief - because really? What else could he do over fucking _unicorns_? - until something occurred to him. Quickly dialing his son again, he left one more message. “Unicorns are not an excuse or a good reason, Stiles!”

Snorting with amusement, because he knew damned well that Stiles wasn’t going to listen _and_ that Derek could handle himself even against the might of the Stilinski perseverance and the McCall Puppy Eyes of Doom, Nate made his way back to his office to reassure his deputy and forward on Sayers’ report. 

A few hours later, just as Nate was getting ready to call it a night, his phone chimed with an incoming e-mail and beep with two new texts. Glancing at the screen, he saw that all three were from Stiles. Disregarding the e-mail for the moment, he opened his message app.

_Msg changed. ;) Sry abt Dpt. Dun wrt him up. Have fixe rprt._

It took Nate a solid minute to decipher Stiles’ letter vomit and realize that he was sorry about the Deputy and he’d fixed the report. That was most likely what was in Nate’s inbox. The second message, though, had him burying his face in his hand. His son, I ask ya!

_Unicorns will nvr b excuse again! ;)_


End file.
